Monday, August 23, 2010

Reality Check!

(This was actually written on Aug 23rd, but was still hanging out in my drafts)

...As in, I got mine, over and over, after writing that last post!!
That was a big ol cry baby post! And I needed that, but I quickly got over it!
Know why????
Because I am so amazingly blessed!!! I have 2 healthy little boys, that WANT my attention and company! I have a loving husband who is an adoring Daddy! We have a home, jobs, food, clothes, all the "things" we need! And so yes, I am busy, I have things to get taken care of, I have children and a husband (and a rotten puppy dog) all for me to take care of!! And you know what?! I wouldn't change any of that! That post was a vent, and that's fine, but I need to get over myself! I need to remember all of my blessings! To realize that those busy mornings are blessings! To remember when I crash into bed at night that I'm blessed! Yeah, I need to suck it up, grow up, and look up and say THANK YOU!!!!!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Mom guilt and brutally embarrassing honesty

It is by far the very worst thing in the universe! I mean, it has to be, right?! I am at a constant struggle just with myself! My boys are the very most important things in my life, period! Not my house, not some image, not anything else. As long as they are happy and healthy, I'm doing my job! So, why oh why can I never feel unguilty about one thing or another?!
It's so bad in the mornings right now....
This is the every morning conversation: (me in the bathroom, the boys on my bed watching Mickey Mouse) "Mommy, what you doing?" "I'm getting ready for work. What are you doing?" "Watching Ca'toons. I don't want you to go to work. I want you to stay home with me and baby Sawyer."
I mean, are you kidding me with that??? Break. my. heart. EVERY morning!
And then there's the house. Being totally honest here, it's a wreck! Stuff everywhere that needs to be put away, somewhere! But how do I do that when I have a 3 year old that just wants me to play with him and a 5 month old that just wants to see me in the same room?!
So, a break down of my day roughly goes something like this (Kyle leaves as I'm waking up)....
I wake up; begin getting myself ready for the day/work; take Trey Trey Bear to the back door to do his morning business; I dash into the boys' rooms to get any supplies needed for the diaper bag being taken to the sitters and quickly re-stock that; let Trey back in; head back into my bathroom/room; by this point, if not before, Jackson is waking up and calling for me, he needs me to carry all of his "ki-ki's" (aka: blankets and loveys) to my room; we work on the potty training, sometime this is quick and easy, other times it's pulling teeth; he then wants a cup of milk (I don't dare do this step without him, he's a big helper and always wants to "go with you"); back to my room to watch ca'toons; I'm back in the bathroom or the closet at this point; now Sawyer's waking up; I get him and put him on my bed, change his diaper, and his clothes; back to getting me ready; time for a bottle; start telling Jackson to get ready to go bye-bye; finish bottle/burp; tell Jackson to gather what he wants to take with him, tell him to leave half of it at home, tell him to go put his shoes on; let him turn off the TV; gather anything of mine that I need - shoes, jewelry, phone; head into the living room; buckle Sawyer into his carrier; fold up blankies that are going in the bag; get various breakfast food items that are chosen for that day (right now it's Dora yogurt, apple sauce, and a nutri-grain bar); head out the door; put Sawyer in the car; Jackson looks for a flower for me, then comes to his side of the car; head to the sitters; drop off the boys; head to work; work my 8 hours; head back to sitters to pick up the boys; hopefully go straight home, but many times we have to make a mad dash to Kroger's or Wal-Mart; get home; get a snack and a drink refill for Jackson; get Sawyer situated in/with a toy; pull out ingredients for supper; start a load of laundry; check on boys (our kitchen is a separate room - ugh - but Sawyer is usually in the kitchen with me; start supper; check on boys; go get something for one of them; give Sawyer a bottle; finish supper; Kyle gets home; we eat; it's bath time - one of us bathes and the other cleans up the kitchen; after baths we each take a kiddo, and get them to sleep; Kyle usually gets Sawyer to sleep, so then he picks up the living room or folds laundry; head to bed to do it all again in a few hours!
So that's Monday - Friday!
Weekends: spent cleaning/laundry, visiting family, going to Church, and trying to sit down for a minute! And that is why I let many things go that I normally, or pre-children, wouldn't have!
And I have a slew of projects that I am just itching to get done. But I just can't! If I do find the time, I just can't bring myself to work on stuff.... Mom Guilt! If I have so called "free time" then I want to spend that with the boys. If they are sleeping or such, then I feel like I need to be cleaning and organizing all the things that I have let go at other times! It's awful! How do I have the Cleaver's life??